Hope for the Hopeless
by WhiteSheWolf17
Summary: "Suicide. A word that holds the same amount of power as cancer. Both result in death. Sooner or later. I was just driving on the former." One stranger may change everything to a girl who believes her life to be over from the hardships of sickness and fake friends. RenjixOC (don't let that stop you from reading!). IchiRuki implied. Read Authors Note please!


******A/N: You guys probably were hoping for an update to Reality or Collapsed but I just HAD to write this. I'm going through a really, really hard time in my life right now and had to get it all off my chest. I thought writing it as a story with my all time _favorite_ character _Renji_ (who I am just in love with!) would help. So yeah, it's not happy exactly _but_ I made it happy…if that makes sense? So this is a true story of my life, the friend issues and thoughts. I know a lot of people hate OCs with important Bleach characters like Renji, but just be nice. This is my story so why the hell can't I be in it? (She says sweetly)**

_**Playlist: **_

_**All I Want by A Day to Remember**_

_**Talk You Down by The Script**_

_** Only Hope by Switchfoot**_

_** Everlong by Foo Fighters**_

_** My Love by Sia**_

_** Fix You by Coldplay**_

_** Heart of Stone by Iko**_

_**Stay by Rihanna**_

_** Find A Way by SafetySuit**_

_** Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran**_

_** Last of Days by A Fine Frenzy**_

_** Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran**_

_** Ignorance by Paramore**_

_** Breathe Me by Sia**_

_** Bring Me to Life by Evanescence**_

_** Skinny Love by Birdy**_

_** The Cure by Mae**_

_** Everything and Nothing by The Boom Circuits**_

_** All I've Ever Needed by Paul McDonald**_

_** Look After You by The Fray**_

_**Counting Stars by OneRepublic**_

_** Please Don't Go by Barcelona**_

_**Shattered by Trading Yesterday**_

_**Story of My Life by One **_**_Direction_**

_**Little Thinks by One Direction**_

_**Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol **_

_**Losing Your Memory by Ryan Star**_

_**Yellow Light by Of Monsters and Men**_

_**I'll Be by Edwin McCain**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.**

* * *

I didn't exactly want to be doing what I was about to do. I always saw this as…weak and stupid. I vowed to never put myself in a position like this. And now here I was…putting myself right in the mouth of hell. What made me go to this extreme you may ask? No one may ever know or fully understand. People aren't always going to be there for me, and I would have to live with that. My so called "friends", stress I can't handle, my parents constantly riding my ass about everything to the point where I just packed my bags and ran away, turning twenty-one…and still having no idea where I'm going in my life really set me off. I could see through all their lies. They honestly didn't care what I was all going through. If they did…well, I wouldn't be in this position now, would I? I'm not mad. I'm hurt. There's a difference.

I suppose they probably didn't have time to "be nice" to me. But they sure as hell had time to degrade me and admitted it since it didn't coincide with me. I just want them to stop with the "care" bullshit. That was not showing me they care! But I'm doing this for _me_. All they are doing is adding more fucking stress. I'm doing it. Its done. Over with.

Suicide.

A word that holds the same amount of power as cancer. Both result in death. Sooner or later. I was just driving on the former.

The clouds rolled by as I took a deep breath. My eyes had been closed; feeling the breeze across my exposed skin, my long brown hair gently flowing with it. The sky took on a pinkish glow as the sun set. I breathed steadily in an out, enjoying the feel of letting go. My toes curled over the brick.

I had thought so long about what I was about to do. I watched the roof of my apartment building, the perfect place to go, the flat concert roof, and nothing separating me from the ground that had to be one hundred feet down. I looked down at the empty street, my bare feet cool from the brick. I extended my arms to my side, and closed my eyes. The breeze caressed my face, welcoming me, and I kept thinking of the peace I felt. This was the calmest I have been, I was ready to let go and have all the pain _stop. _

"What's your name?"

I froze, my head spun around to find whoever spoke because I sure as hell made sure to lock the door leading to the roof. Looking behind me, I saw a tall man who was probably in his mid-twenties, wearing some band T-shirt that read Eyeshine, and black jeans, obscenely long red hair pulled back in a ponytail, tattoos on his arm that was…reaching…toward—

"Get away!" I yelled, surprising myself at how loud I was, shattering the little peace I had formed around me.

The man's eyes widened as he saw me falter slightly. Well, his fault for startling me! He slowly put his arm down. Only a fraction. He continued to gaze at me with…were his eyes mahogany? Whoa. I shook my head and cleared my throat.

"What do you want?" I demanded, hating myself for getting distracted by his surprising good looks. _Come on, get a grip! He could be a pervert for all I know! Maybe he murdered someone! Or a thief! How else had he gotten on the roof! You don't know this guy! Just look at his tattoos and eyebrows! He must be on some form of drugs!_ I scolded myself.

His eyes seemed to harden. "Your name. What is it?"

"Why do you want to know?" I snapped and instantly regretted it. Why was I acting like a bitch? I was always, _always_ nice to anyone! And here I was, acting like a total bitch to some stranger. I guess that one girl who used to be my _friend_ was right. Maybe I really was a bitch.

The stranger took a slow step to me. "So I can tell the people down there what an idiot you are." He gestured with a jerk of his jaw. A very…strong looking jaw…

"You're joking," I frown, focusing on the top of his head.

"Or…" he smiled. "I could tell them how brave and strong you are. All you need to do is come off that ledge and over to me."

I scoffed. "Yeah, right."

"You don't believe me? Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person. Trust me."

"Listen, I'm giving up." I looked down to the cement. "I'm…moving on. My life isn't something you should worry about. Hell, my own _friends_ could care less, they already made my life a living hell. There's no way I could forget it no matter how hard I try. It's always going to be in the back of my mind being a shitty thing but all this actually did was make me severely sick where I can't eat or sleep. Its not going to change if I keep thinking about it."

"Moving on doesn't mean that you have to giving up, it means that you're making a choice to be happy instead of being hurt. I don't blame you, it sounds as if you had a rough life. Don't let your dumb friends try and change who you are or make you feel like the odd one out. They are the ones who are missing out."

I sighed. "If only you knew the entire story."

He shrugged. "Hey, I've got time. Plenty in fact. I just got fired from my job. I would like to hear your story" I looked at him, then back in front of me, weighing my options, "if that's okay," he added.

I huffed. He's trying to stall me. But…it would be nice to get everything of my chest before I go. Maybe…I glanced at him and I instantly felt, what was it?

"Come on, enlighten me."

"Okay…um, I'm not sure where to begin."

He waved his hand. "Just jump in anywhere, I'll catch up."

I glared. What a lovely pun. "Right. Well. Uh. Allison. My name's Allison."

He smirked. "Allison." He nodded as if in content. "I'm Renji."

I sighed. Best ti get this confession off my chest then drag it out because it was clear this guy wasn't leaving any time soon. "Okay. My life isn't perfect, Renji, but whose is? You see I've just learned how inconsiderate people—friends—are. They constantly hurt me. They do things that confuse me, so yeah of course I'd be mad at them for it. Why would they be mad at me for something they did? I tried to be friends again, but they just seem to want to get every possible word in and push me away when I'm trying so hard. It seems like they don't care about me and wanted me to figure it out for them. Then they have the nerve to say how I think of myself as an angel or something and that I hurt them. How am I hurting them? All I told them was what they did hurt me. I fail to see how that hurts them. If they don't have a problem with me, why won't they accept my apologies? Why should I even have to apologize/ I gave them everything. I was there for them, I listened to their problems, I gave the gifts, I _always _agreed with them, and I change into someone that they don't like and its _my_ fault? Should I apologize for being myself? For feeling the way am? Why do they keep going with nonsense to get me aggravated? Its like they purposely want to get me mad so they have a reason to just walk away. I did have a problem with them that day, but I've learned to accept that that's just them and I have to live with that. I just thought that we were all closer, and mature adults, not immature children who get mad when they don't get their way. Sorry, I'm rambling."

He looked taken aback and held up his hands as if to frantically stop a speeding car. "Slow your roll, girl, I'm not a therapist now!That is _a lot_ of topics. But, I can tell you've been waiting to get that off your chest. I can tell you haven't even scratched the surface. So continue." He walked up to me and my eyes widened.

"W-what are you doing?!" I gasped, ready to push him away if he tried to grab me.

He held up his hands. "Whoa, now. I just want to get comfortable for this story. I was just going to sit down."

"Why must you sit where I'm standing?" I demanded, inching more to the left and away from him.

"So it appears to be more of a normal conversation! Now relax and sit down! You want to get this off your chest and I want to hear it. But I'm not standing to hear it! And I'm sure you're tired as well. We don't have to sit side by side, you can sit way over there and I'll be way over here."

"Fine," I agreed and carefully settled down on the edge of the roof, my legs dangling off the side. "Happy?"

He sat next to me. Well, a few feet away. He squinted against the setting sun and shielded his eyes with his hand. "Wow. This sure is a great view. You know, one of my friends just loves heights. She would love this view. It's a lot different than climbing some lousy tree."

"I don't think she'd like this position," I admitted.

He frowned. "No. She wouldn't."

"So this friend you talk about. Is she your girlfriend?"

He burst out laughing. "Who, Rukia? Hell, no! Ichigo would kick my ass! Yeah, see this shirt?" He plucked some of the fabric between his fingers and pulled it, "Ichigo's the lead singer. The bastard gave me this shirt as a gift and I wouldn't be wearing it so willingly if I didn't run out of clothes to wear." He chuckled before taking a breath. "Wait, I'm off topic. I was talking about Rukia and Ichigo. Well, I could always see how they would always interact with each other, I'm not that much of a fool. I mean, sure, maybe years back I thought about it. But I'm glad I never followed through. There was just something that…I don't know, I like us as friends. And she found Kurosaki. They're great. Hey, I got you to smile."

I didn't realize I was until he noticed and I instantly wiped it away.

"Aw. Come on now, don't do that. You look beautiful when you smile."

"How cliché," I mumbled. "And you looked like an idiot, what can I say, your idiotic nature made me laugh."

He looked like he was just named the hottest man on earth. "Thanks."

"That wasn't a compliment, genius."

"Fiesty."

I rolled my eyes. "Can you leave now?"

"Nope."

"Leave."

"Na-uh."

"Jerk."

"Darling."

I blinked. "Wh-what?"

"Nothing, nothing. But I believe you were telling me your story."

I sighed and looked down. "Right. Okay, well—

"And don't be afraid to scream and shout if you have to," he added.

I laughed. "I may take you up on that. I mean, they all literally suck! I have an actual illness you know! Although no one seems to care! Granted, I'm not telling people all of it for what's wrong but still they all know there _is_ something wrong and like, no one has visited me or asked how I'm doing or just come over to my place randomly to check up on me. I only have one who's actually doing that! One of them had the flu or whatever and my one friend goes over to her house to check up on her because she missed one day of college and here I missed a bunch. I mean she isn't dying like me! And if I do tell them I'm not feeling well they'll respond with 'get some rest'. No shit, really?! That never crossed my mind! God they suck as friends. They downplay my life! Ugh. Can I not do what I want and for what's best for me? Do you know how claustrophobic I feel around them? Everything was hectic. The others treats me not to nicely. I'm not putting up with that. Why can't they for once agree with my decision? It seems they're always nagging me and I'm wrong. Then for them to tell me not to overreact. They are just on my ass with everything, exactly like my parents. I'm always second or last to everyone else. I busted my ass making sure they were all happy but never was the favor returned. I'd help them through all their problems and they wouldn't even try with mine. And get this! When they would want me to explain myself or say my honest opinion, they would yell at me and say how wrong I am and how I only think of myself! They make me seem like I don't belong and I'm not good enough. I just love how someone I did everything and anything for can hate me when I was only living my life. I mean, just being ignored is the worst thing ever. Even more so from the people you thought had your back. They can't blame me for my trust issues. I've been blindsided too many times. So excuse me for protecting myself."

He nodded. "Just because they don't like it doesn't mean everyone else doesn't. I don't know these girls, but yeah fucking right they care about you. They sound like they like to fuck things up for their own amusement. It's your life, your decisions. They need to grow the fuck up. I'd get Rukia to punch them in their stupid noses."

I gave a dark laugh. "And I guess I'm also a psychotic bitch."

Renji cocked his head. "You're joking! I've known you for all of, what, fifteen minutes, and I think I know the true you than these so called friends!"

"You wouldn't believe it. A childhood friend calling you a psychotic bitch when I did nothing to her."

His eyes widened and he opened and closed his mouth like he was at a loss of words. "What the hell is her problem!?"

"Yeah. I haven't spoken to her since the first week of November. But she's now besties with another girl that hates me and I know she's feeding her more lies and getting her riled up. But I did _nothing_ to them! I don't know what she is telling her to make me a psychotic bitch! I'm just done with _everything!_ They don't know my life or how horrible I was feeling this past week with everything!"

Renji rubbed his forehead and sighed. "They need to leave you the fuck alone. Seriously, this is getting immaturely ridiculous."

I nodded slowly and frowned. "I know. Why can't they let it die already? Why keep dragging this along?!" I sniffed and realized I was crying. I wiped my tears away. "Wow. You are listening."

"Of course…so is that it?"

I chuckled. "I have something else to say."

He nodded and rested his hand on top of mine from where it was gripping the edge of the ledge. I didn't question it. "All right, lets hear it."

I took another breath. "Well lets start with a month ago. In class, I told one of my friends about my anxiety attacks and she makes it seem like nothing and talks about how she has those _all_ the time. And then goes to show me this tiny, _tiny_ bump on her hand and goes off joking how its a tumor! _God!_ How inconsiderate! And that night she texts me asking what's going on. Its whatever. The same old same old. You can't just bombard me with questions wanting me to just spill everything! She was adding on more stress. It's just hard to explain. Why cant they get that? The last thing I need is another person mad at me. And just at school I read my book and was ignored completely. They would ways be talking and laughing and making plans in front of me. I was completely alone. It was then that it occurred to me that they don't miss me at all. So yeah, you could say I'm feeling the lowest of the low." I barely got the last sentence out when he crushed me against him. I went stiff at first before realizing he was only hugging me. I rested my chin on his right shoulder and he squeezed tighter. "U-um…"

He pulled back and I was left breathless. "Sorry," he looked guilty. "I just…you needed something. I'm sorry that's all I could give."

I wiped my eyes. "S'okay. I've wanted one for a long time."

He blinked before smiling a large stupid grin and opened his arms wide again. "Come on, that deserves another hug!"

I rolled my eyes and was about to say a snide comment when the wail of sirens pierced the quietness. I gasped and looked down to see a fire truck and police cruisers lining the streets. I sprang to my feet in a mad hurry.

"Hey, whoa!" Renji scrambled up to his feet.

I turned on him. "You called the cops?! Why would you do that?!"

His eyes widened. "I didn't! I swear to it! Someone else must have seen you teetering on the edge!"

I looked around frantically, panic in my eyes.

"Hey…" Renji spoke softly. "Just…hang on a second, okay?"

The sirens got louder and a crowd of people was slowly forming and a few were pointing. _At me._ Damn it! I didn't want this! A sound escaped my lips, half a moan and half out of panic.

"Allison…" Renji's voice barely reached my ears.

"I have to do this now! It's what I want, I don't want to feel pain anymore, I want peace! And if I'm going to die its going to be on_ my _terms, not cancer, or stupid bitches who think they are always right, but because _I _want to!" I said through clenched teeth.

He peered over the edge. "Then we'll jump together. I don't want your last seconds to be alone like you have been the last few years. You deserve to have somebody with you, every second of every day."

I looked at him. Really looked at him. He looked serious. "Really? You would do that…for me?"

"In a heartbeat."

My breath caught. I looked down at the ground, a hundred feet below. I looked up, blinking back tears. "I—"

Something wrapped its way over my hand and I gasped. Renji had my right hand clasped in his left. He nodded. "On three. One…"

I looked in his eyes. "Two…"

He smiled. "Three…"

My arm was jerked and air whooshed passed as I fell backwards. I landed on Renji's chest.

On the roof.

A few feet from the edge.

"Whoops," he laughed. "Wrong way. Oh well. I suppose we could try again but," his arms wrapped around me and he squeezed, crushing me into his chest, "I refuse to let you go. You'll have to fight me."

Despite everything, I relaxed against him and just collapsed. I felt…content. Like a huge weight was gone. Like a part of me really did jump off the ledge. The rumble of Renji's laughter through his chest went along my nerves, making goosebumps rise on my arms. "Thank you, I think" I muttered against him.

"I have to ask…" he began. I looked at him confused and he continued. "Women jump for love, men jump for money." Renji stated. "But you said you were…" he swallowed.

"I'm dying…" I finished for him. "And I thought, why wait? Why suffer through the pain any longer? Why not…end it all now?"

"Cancer," Renji breathed.

I looked away. "My hair is losing its shine and starting to thin…and I love my hair!"

He smiled and placed his finger under my chin so I was forced to look at him. "Well I must say, I haven't seen you when you were healthy, but right now, you're absolutely beautiful. And you know what? I don't feel like you're clingy like you may think. And you are good enough. Better, in fact. And don't be scared to tell me anything! I'm sorry you have to go through this, Allison. Never be afraid of talking to me. I'll always be here for you. Bet you didn't expect that, huh? Well you got me know, baby! You're going to be stuck with the pineapple!"

"T-the _Pineapple?!_" I bursted out laughing. "I…" I stared at him. "Yeah, I think I see it now." I pointed to his hair. "It's adorable. It really is. Now I can't get pineapple out of my head. And I love pineapples!"

"God, if I was there, I'd be all, ah, hell no! Imma kick some ass! Show me the way, Allison! Hold my shit, I'll be right back! Just always know I'm here for you."

I relaxed back against go chest. "That's the nicest, most comforting think I've heard in a _long_ time." I closed my eyes, and felt my heart tighten because of the words of a complete stranger who seemed to _understand me_, a lot more than any of my "friends."

He sighed, contently. "I hate to ruin this moment, but…we should probably get off the roof."

"Right." I said, and looked at the ledge once more, before Renji grabbed my hand and started leading me to the door. My bare feet feeling the roughness of the concrete.

As we walked further and further away from the edge I tried to to look back. I just hoped that the large, warm hand that held mine was worth it. I knew that my blissful escape will always be there for me to come back to, but what if Renji was my personal angel? What if he was here to save me? For once in a long time, I had _hope_, something I haven't had in a _very_ long time.

Maybe things could be different from this point on.

Renji pulled me inside and closed the door behind me, and squeezed my hand. I looked up into the eyes, which were _defiantly _mahogany, and squeezed back. Who would have thought that his stranger was giving me hope, when I had already decided I was hopeless.

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**A/N: So I think this will be a story because I have more to say and more ideas and fluffiness. Review nicely. And I will post my other stories soon. But I must say thank you all for following me and whatnot, I love you all! Except for the ones who...you know.**

**~WhiteSheWolf17**


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